


Random Incorrect TGS quotes

by SatanButShorter



Category: The Glass Scientists (Webcomic)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Crack, How Do I Tag, Memes, Not Canon Compliant, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Please Kill Me, Swearing, Tumblr Memes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-22
Updated: 2020-12-22
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:01:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 112
Words: 2,838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28238865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatanButShorter/pseuds/SatanButShorter
Summary: Exactly what the title says
Relationships: Dr. Henry Jekyll/Dr. Robert Lanyon, Edward Hyde/Dr. Robert Lanyon
Comments: 2
Kudos: 51





	1. Chapter 1

Hyde: y'know? this madman is feeling a little sadman


	2. Chapter 2

Murderer: *swings bat at Hyde and misses*

Hyde: strike 1

Murderer: that's not how this works  
*swings bat*

Hyde: strike 2, one more and you're out!

Murderer: [under breath] fuck


	3. Chapter 3

Hyde: [frantically searching pockets] shit I lost my keys.  
lemme borrow yours?

Prison guard: no.


	4. Chapter 4

Lanyon: *gets on one knee*

Hyde: omg its finally happening!

Lanyon: *falls over*

Hyde: the poison is kicking in


	5. Chapter 5

Hyde at 3 am: reading books is just staring at a dead tree and hallucinating

Jekyll on the verge of tears: please stop


	6. Chapter 6

Hyde: but i want it

Cop driving the car: *passing by mcdonalds* i said no


	7. Chapter 7

Hyde: the eagles won last night

Rachel: oh you watched the game last night?

Hyde: [covered in blood and scratches] what game?


	8. Chapter 8

Cop: we found the man who stole your identity and was impersonating you

Jekyll: where was he?

Cop: locked in an office drinking wine and crying

Jekyll: [impressed] he really went for it


	9. Chapter 9

Lanyon: how long are you going to let him do that?

Rachel: *snickering* give him a minute

Hyde: *pulling on a door that is clearly labelled push*


	10. Chapter 10

*Hyde manifests*

Hyde: JFC

Jekyll: yeah...

Hyde: EVERYTHING HURTS WHY AM I SO TIRED???

Jekyll: I haven't slept in like a month dude


	11. Chapter 11

Jekyll: can you spell mental breakdown?!

Jekyll: cause i'm this fucking close!

Hyde: your fingers are touching though?

Jekyll sobbing: I KNOW!


	12. Chapter 12

Jekyll: I have ink all over my desk from when I fell asleep doing paperwork

Hyde: that's sad

Jekyll, sleep deprived: no its ink


	13. Chapter 13

Rachel: ducks?

Hyde: yes


	14. Chapter 14

Hyde: eggs are like rocks

Hyde: throw them at people and watch them rot


	15. Chapter 15

Jekyll: can't we just bottle our feelings like civilised people?

Lanyon: henry no..


	16. Chapter 16

Lanyon: *breaks a pencil*

Lanyon: goddammit this is why my dad doesn't fucking love me

Jekyll: are you okay?


	17. Chapter 17

Jekyll: I'm gone for three hours and you all go into absolute chaos

The lodgers: in our defense

The lodgers: we were left unsupervised


	18. Chapter 18

Rachel: how would you like your coffee?

Hyde: as dark and bitter as my soul

Rachel: one glass of milk coming up!


	19. Chapter 19

Jekyll: I'm playing hide and seek with my feelings


	20. Chapter 20

Hyde: fuck lemons they're sour and stupid

Lanyon: like you

Hyde: FUCK OFF


	21. Chapter 21

Hyde: you can trust me! Let's not forget the person who dragged you out of a river that one time!

Lanyon: Let's not forget who pushed me in


	22. Chapter 22

[page 13 on chapter 3]

Jekyll: wow you really care about me

Lanyon: lies and slander


	23. Chapter 23

Hyde at blackfog bazaar: making my way downtown walking fast

Rachel: Hyde there you are!

Hyde: walking faster


	24. Chapter 24

Hyde: why does everyone assume the worst of me?

Lanyon: it saves time


	25. Chapter 25

Lanyon, teaching Hyde to drive: Okay, so you're driving and Jekyll and Rachel walk onto the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Hyde: oh definitely jekyll

Lanyon, sighing: The brakes, Hyde. You hit the brakes


	26. Chapter 26

Jekyll: since it's impossible to tell which part of my life is the middle

Jekyll: I've decided to have an ongoing crisis


	27. Chapter 27

Jasper: oh fiddlesticks

Hyde: Look, I understand that this is a tense situation but let's watch the fucking language


	28. Chapter 28

Lanyon: I have feelings for you

Hyde: you do?

Lanyon: yes, you are very annoying


	29. Chapter 29

Lanyon: when I first met you, I didn't like you

Hyde: I'm aware

Lanyon: but then you and i had some time together

Hyde: Uh-huh..?

Lanyon: it did not get better


	30. Chapter 30

Hyde, drunk: love is cheap but booze is cheaper

Rachel, concerned and looking into his bottle:.. Master Hyde this is just vinegar


	31. Chapter 31

Hyde: the greatest treasure was the memories along the way

Lanyon: I almost died

Hyde: that was my fondest memory


	32. Chapter 32

Jekyll, sighing: no one loves me

Lanyon: are you sure?

Jekyll: yeah

Lanyon, aggressively pointing at himself: ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THAT?


	33. Chapter 33

Lanyon: aren't the stars amazing tonight?

Hyde, muttering: you're the brightest star

Lanyon: what was that? 

Hyde: I said i want to hit you with a jar


	34. Chapter 34

Hyde, apologising: .. .--. -/ ...- .-. .-. -.- 

Lanyon: what is that?

Hyde: remorse code

Lanyon:I'm even angrier now


	35. Chapter 35

Hyde: DATING TIP: Hold the door open for your date. Rip the door off its hinges. Use the door to fight off other men. Establish dominance.

Rachel: I'm beginning to see why you're single


	36. Chapter 36

Hyde: [under breath] future husband say what

Lanyon: pardon? 

Hyde: dammit


	37. Chapter 37

Hyde: I made tea

Lanyon: I don't want tea

Hyde: I didn't make tea for you. This is my tea

Lanyon: then why tell me?

Hyde: it's a conversation starter

Lanyon: that's a lousy conversation starter

Hyde: Oh is it? We're conversing. Checkmate


	38. Chapter 38

Hyde, rolling down the car window: what seems to be the problem officer?

Cop: get the FUCK out of my car


	39. Chapter 39

Rachel: truth or dare

Jekyll: truth

Rachel: how long have you slept this week?

Jekyll: dare

Rachel: go to sleep

Jekyll: I don't like this game


	40. Chapter 40

Hyde: I screwed up big time

Jekyll: considering your daily life experiences you're going to need to be more specific


	41. Chapter 41

Hyde, when he finally acknowledges his feelings: I know you think my judgement is clouded because I like Lanyon a little bit

Rachel: you doodled your wedding invitation

Hyde: that was our joint tombstone

Rachel: my mistake


	42. Chapter 42

Hyde: when I get murdered can you make sure I become an unsolved case?

Rachel: what?

Hyde: I want to be on Buzzfeed Unsolved

Rachel: can we go back to the part where you said "when I get murdered"?


	43. Chapter 43

Jekyll: what doesn't kill you gives you a set unhealthy coping mechanisms and a really dark sense of humor


	44. Chapter 44

Lanyon (if he needed glasses): you know sir? I like you alot better without my glasses on

Hyde: you put your glasses on and face the facts!


	45. Chapter 45

Frankenstein: so when YOU sew a bunch of unmatched parts together, it's a "quilt" and a "beautiful gift" and will "become a family heirloom"

Frankenstein: but when I sew a bunch of unmatched parts its a "monster" and an "affront to the gods" and goes on "a murderous killing spree"


	46. Chapter 46

Jekyll: God, I hate you so much

Hyde: I'm you

Jekyll: I KNOW

Hyde:...

Hyde: Henry we talked about this


	47. Chapter 47

Hyde: I swing both ways ;)

Hyde: violently, with a bat

Hyde: come get some motherfuckers


	48. Chapter 48

Frankenstein: your smile looks forced

Jekyll: it is


	49. Chapter 49

Hyde: so then I said KNIFE to meet you, it was a funny little pun

Jasper: YOU STABBED DOCTOR LANYON

Lanyon, if he knew it was Jekyll: don't worry I'm in STABle condition

Hyde and Lanyon: ayeeee

Jasper: *panicked wolf noises*


	50. Chapter 50

Jekyll, pointing at Hyde: this gentleman is my emotional support goblin


	51. Chapter 51

Rachel: Are you okay?

Jekyll: If by 'okay' you mean that my life is a meaningless, black cauldron of swirling failure, then yes, everything is groovy

Rachel:

Rachel: That is not at all what I meant by okay


	52. Chapter 52

Hyde: wait you like me for my personality?

Rachel: yeah I was surprised too


	53. Chapter 53

Lanyon: Alright, how high are the two of you?

Hyde: 5'8

Lanyon: That's not what I meant

Jekyll: What was the question?

Lanyon: How high are you?

Jekyll: How what?

Lanyon: High

Jekyll: Hello!

Lanyon: *Frustrated scream*


	54. Chapter 54

Hyde: If I die unexpectedly, can everyone just do the right thing and pretend that I was a way better person than I am?


	55. Chapter 55

Jekyll: Are you looking for a guy with a good personality?

Jekyll: Well, you're in luck because I've got multiple

Lanyon, grabbing the car keys: Therapy. Now


	56. Chapter 56

Lanyon: what are you doing?

Jekyll: confronting the person that ruined my entire life

Lanyon: you're looking in a mirror


	57. Chapter 57

Rachel: You can't run from me!

Hyde: *Takes off running*

Rachel: Oh, you can. You keep surprising me


	58. Chapter 58

Jekyll: Today, Hyde put a seashell up to his ear and told me that the ocean said I was a nerd


	59. Chapter 59

Jekyll: what have I told you about comparing Hyde to the devil?

Lanyon: it's offensive to the devil


	60. Chapter 60

Jekyll, in denial: I don't have a crush on Lanyon, what, you expect me to find love?

Rachel: Doctor J...


	61. Chapter 61

Hyde: I'm going to go commit a war crime


	62. Chapter 62

Jekyll: fuck nudes, send me a therapist


	63. Chapter 63

Jekyll: Shut up

Hyde: No

Jekyll: SHUT up

Hyde: no

Jekyll: welp I tried

Hyde: you failed


	64. Chapter 64

Lanyon: Henry I love you

Jekyll: I love you too

Lanyon: Stop letting your health deteriorate

Jekyll: no


	65. Chapter 65

Hyde: Look, I don't know how to make you feel better if you start crying, but I could murder someone if that would help?


	66. Chapter 66

Hyde: My dance style ranges from a white dad at a barbecue to a stripper whose rent is due tomorrow

Lanyon: you're uninvited


	67. Chapter 67

Rachel: I feel like Hyde is the kind of person to narrate their own life

Jekyll: you have no idea


	68. Chapter 68

Hyde: When I become a serial killer, I'll leave cassette recordings of "Mmm Whatcha Say" in the mouths of all my victims

Jasper: W-When?


	69. Chapter 69

Hyde, on a call with Jasper: Ikea meatballs are made out of people that didn't find the exit

Jasper, who is currently lost in an Ikea: Wait, wait, please no-


	70. Chapter 70

Lanyon: Henry, when was the last time you slept, ate and drank water?

Jekyll: Slept five days ago, ate some cold pizza a day ago and haven't drank water in seven years


	71. Chapter 71

Hyde, after consuming enough caffeine to kill three horses and crawling on the ceiling: f ï ğ h ť m ē

Lanyon, backing away with a cross held up: whattheheckwhattheheCKWHATTHEHECK---


	72. Chapter 72

Hyde: Do you think I could fit 20 marshmallows in my mouth? 

Lanyon: You're a hazard to society

Rachel: And a coward, do 30


	73. Chapter 73

Jekyll: it's called Fall because everything is falling - leaves, temperatures, self esteem-

Lanyon: *visibly concerned* are you okay-


	74. Chapter 74

Hyde: Were you dropped on your head as a kid??

Lanyon: Bold of you to assume I was held


	75. Chapter 75

One of the lodgers: Hey Jekyll what does PEMDAS mean

Jekyll, barely awake: *under his breath* Please End My Depression And Suffering

The lodgers: *genuine concern* ???


	76. Chapter 76

Frankenstein: I hate you

Jekyll: I hate me too, you aren't special

Frankenstein:

Frankenstein: not that I care but are you okay?


	77. Chapter 77

Jekyll: what. did. you. do

Hyde: alright, but you can't get mad at me 

Jekyll: What. Did. You. Do

Hyde: Okay, first, I was minding my own business---

Jekyll: *slams his hands on a table* BULLSHIT 

Hyde: I w a S


	78. Chapter 78

Hyde: sorry I was late I was doing stuff

Jekyll, looking dishevelled: he pushed me down the stairs


	79. Chapter 79

Hyde: I have flaws. What are they? I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time drinking. Occasionally I'll rip someone to shreds. Sue me.


	80. Chapter 80

Hyde: I hate you with every inch of my body!

Lanyon: that's not a lot of inches


	81. Chapter 81

Hyde: Based on statistical evidence, I think I'm immortal.

Jasper: Why?

Hyde: I haven't died yet.

Jasper: That's... not how that works.

Lanyon: Have you seen the stupid shit this fucker does? That bitch just won't die.


	82. Chapter 82

Rachel: Hyde has no survival skills, his need to win has replaced them.

Jasper: That can't be true!

Rachel: Watch this.

Rachel: Hey Hyde, race you to the bottom of the stairs!

Hyde: [Throws himself out the window]


	83. Chapter 83

Jekyll: It takes a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone. But it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

Lanyon: Once my father forgot me in a parking lot.


	84. Chapter 84

[the book] 

Hyde: VIBE CHECK! *bashes Sir Danvers Carew's skull*


	85. Chapter 85

Jekyll: If I blended Red Bull, HJ7, five-hour energy, monster, coffee, and hot Cheetos into an Energy Smoothie, would it kill me?

Hyde ready to take notes: Only if you die.

Jekyll getting out a blender: Fair point. 

Lanyon running into the room: HENRY STOP!


	86. Chapter 86

Rachel: How can someone say Hyde is evil?? He's the most precious soft little soul.

Hyde, wiping blood off his face: YEAH I'M ADORABLE!


	87. Chapter 87

One of the Lodgers: Truth or Dare?

Hyde: Truth.

Same Lodger: What’s the worst decision you’ve made while being drunk?

Hyde: Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to make bad decisions.


	88. Chapter 88

Miss Lavender: You're smiling, did something good happen?

Frankenstein: Can't I just smile because I feel like it?

Creature: Jekyll tripped and fell in the parking lot.


	89. Chapter 89

Archer: Are you a top or a bottom?

Hyde: I'm a threat.

Rachel, walking by: Bottom energy.


	90. Chapter 90

Jasper: You know, on second thought, gum would be perfection.

Miss Ito: *gives him a strange look and hands him a piece of gum*

Jasper: *thinking* Gum would be perfection. Gum would be perfection. I could have said gum would be nice, could have said I'll have a stick. But no no no no no, for me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.


	91. Chapter 91

Lanyon: I'm craving something sweet.

Hyde: *Gestures to himself*

Lanyon: I said something sweet, not a heap of salt.


	92. Chapter 92

Hyde: Are you suggesting that I occasionally stray away from the rulebook?

Jekyll: No, I'm suggesting that you do not own a copy of the rulebook and if you do, you have certainly never opened it.


	93. Chapter 93

[Stuffed Animal has fur covering it's eyes]

Jasper: [gently fixes it] There, you can see now!

Rachel: [watching from across the room] We don't deserve you.


	94. Chapter 94

Jekyll: So apparently the "bad vibes" I've been feeling are actually "severe psychological distress".


	95. Chapter 95

Hyde: We got a big problem.

Jekyll: We should copyright that phrase.


	96. Chapter 96

Lanyon: You are a very, VERY deranged person.

Hyde: Thanks.


	97. Chapter 97

Jekyll in the back of Hyde's mind: Just be yourself. Say something nice.

Hyde: Which one? I can't do both.


	98. Chapter 98

Rachel: Hyde talks in his sleep sometimes. It's adorable!

Hyde, mumbling in his sleep: Fight me... motherfucker... square up bitch... I think the fuck not.


	99. Chapter 99

Lucy: We wait until they fall asleep and then we sneak into their tent, all right?

Hyde: Mm. Cut their throats.

Lucy: What?

Hyde: What?

Lucy: No. Jesus. What the fuck's wrong with you?

Hyde: Nothing. I wasn't saying to do that. I didn't say that. I thought you were gonna say it.

Lucy: You thought I was gonna say "cut their throats"? Who do you think I am, Scarface?

Hyde: Give me a break!


	100. Chapter 100

Jekyll: So, who broke it? I’m not angry I just want to know.

Jasper: I did it, I broke it.

Jekyll: No, no you didn’t. Griffin?

Griffin: Don’t look at me, look at Sinnett.

Sinnett: What?! I didn’t break it.

Griffin: Huh, that’s weird, then how did you even know it was broken?

Sinnett: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken!

Griffin: Suspicious.

Sinnett: No, it’s not!

Luckett: If it matters, probably not... Ito was the last one to use it.

Ito: Liar! I don’t even drink that stuff!

Luckett: Oh really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Ito: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles. Everyone knows that!

Jasper: Okay, let’s not fight! I broke it, let me pay for it, Jekyll.

Jekyll: No, who broke it?

Griffin: [whispering] Jekyll, Cantilupe has been awfully quiet.

Cantilupe: Really?

Griffin: Yeah, really!

[later]

Hyde, to Rachel: I broke it, it burned my hand so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now, they’ll be at each others throats with war paint on their faces and a pig's head on a stick.

Rachel: Good, it was getting a little too chummy around here.


	101. Chapter 101

Hyde: Remember that time you dared me to lick the swing set?

Jekyll: No i said "don't lick the swing set" then you said "don't tell me what to do jekyll!" and then you licked the swing set.


	102. Chapter 102

Hyde: I typed 'bitch' into my gps and I'm in your driveway

Lanyon: it's like 2am

Hyde: vroom vroom motherfucker


	103. Chapter 103

Hyde about to blow up London: go big or go home

Jekyll, crying in the back of his head: p lea s e for once in our life just go home. I'm begging you. Go h o m e

Hyde: I'm going big


	104. Chapter 104

Jekyll: I wish you would just admit when you make a mistake

Hyde, stirring his coffee: fuck you, i prefer it with salt


	105. Chapter 105

Hyde: I am living identity fraud


	106. Chapter 106

Jekyll: I'm having a child

Jasper: oh that's great-

Jekyll, slamming down adoption papers: it's you, sign here


	107. Chapter 107

Lanyon: do you know where Hyde is?

Jekyll (internally): quick play dumb!

Jekyll: who's Hyde?

Jekyll (internally): not that dumb!


	108. Chapter 108

Lanyon: I don't have a favourite friend. How could you say that? All my friends are of equal importance and worth.

The lodgers: it's Jekyll isn't it? 

Lanyon: I can't help it, he had those "love me tender" eyes and I'm weak


	109. Chapter 109

Jekyll: I'll put all my feelings over there and then I'll die


	110. Chapter 110

Hyde: I think I have an execution scheduled or smth Idk I wasn't paying attention


	111. Chapter 111

*Jekyll gets injured*

Jasper: oh god call a doctor!

The lodgers: that was the doctor!


	112. Chapter 112

Jekyll: Name a way to be nice to others

Hyde: Don't kill them

Jekyll:...

Jekyll: Setting the bar a little low, but I'll allow it

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to add your own in the comments


End file.
